In Memory of Dad

Following is the eulogy I gave for my Dad, Gary Joseph Schneider, at his memorial service yesterday. He passed away unexpectedly from a massive heart attack last Tuesday at age 66.

Little did I know that when I began my quest to become a filmmaker seven years ago, that one of my first projects would be a script that would provide the basis for what I want to say today.   When you develop a script, the experts say, “Write what you know.” So I thought for awhile, and it wasn’t long before I knew that of all the people in my life, Dad’s larger than life personality was the right place to start. 

The next decision to make was what the actual storyline was going to be. We all know Dad led a colorful life full of ups and downs, but I decided to focus on what I knew best….and that was our relationship as father and daughter  So, the story quickly began to unfold in my mind and eventually on paper (thanks to my writing partner, Liz)….this was to be a tale of reconciliation and redemption…..of two people finding their way back to each other and finding peace within themselves.  The title of the script is “Relative Distance” and that’s the concept I’d like to talk about for a minute.

Typically when defined it means “a distance relative to a specified reference point, usually one in motion.”  To me, it means how close or how distant I was to my dad at any point in time.  Between us, we’ve covered about every distance on the map…but it was the distance of the heart that of course takes its toll on your soul.  There were many times when Dad and I were not in touch….sometimes because he was in a dark period and others because I was mad at him for what he might have done during those dark periods.

Despite all of those times, we eventually found a way to close the distance and find our way back to each other. I’m glad we did, because for the last ten years I was fortunate to know my dad as the guy I like to think he really wanted to be, but didn’t know how to earlier in life.  The dad that I’m choosing to remember is the man who:

*bragged to anyone who would listen that he had “seven wonderful children”

*got a kick out of teaching his grandchildren to fly kites

*loved his dogs and couldn’t turn away a stray

*enjoyed a good card game of 500 and thought nothing of bidding 10 no trump without the joker

*had to drive a Lincoln or a Cadillac….whether or not he had a dime to his name

*was able to find humor in almost every situation

*could make friends with strangers instantly, spending hours on the phone with credit collectors, hanging up to say,  “That person was from Des Moines”

*admitted “he was a handful” but asked Gloria to put up with him with a charming smile and a plea for some more ice water

*always worried that I was mad at him if he didn’t hear from me for a couple of weeks, no matter how many times I reassured him that I wasn’t

*cheered me on in my film endeavors and would leave me voice mail messages posing as Steven Spielberg to make me feel like I’d hit it big

*the man who couldn’t stop thanking Chris and I for all of the help we gave him once he couldn’t work anymore

*and mostly, I will remember him as the man who I know loved me deeply and told me so every single time we talked.

So now, when I think about the term “Relative Distance”, it has one more meaning to me….that Dad will from now on only be as far from me as the memories I hold in my heart.

As a footnote, about six months ago, the “Relative Distance” script magically fell into the hands of an up and coming production company in NYC and they are currently planning to produce the film next year. They recently asked me to provide some casting suggestions and when I asked Dad who he would like to play him I had to laugh….his list included Charlie Sheen,  John Travolta  and Patrick Swayze.  I said Dad, one is too young, one is too Italian and the other is not doing so well….maybe you should give it some more thought.  I’m hoping for Nick Nolte myself ☺

Comments

[Bree]

That warms my heart -- so well written. I actaully had to read it outloud to myself. It was only five years ago that I had to write one for my dad although I never read it at the service because I was too shaken up to do so.

[Christine Rogasis]

That was wonderful to read! Laughed thrrough it all! Miss you guys lots!

xoxo
Christine

[Christine Rogasis]

well laughed through most of it! So great!

[Helen Pike]

I loved reading your dad's eulogy. It was written with a tremendous amount of honesty. Love the title "Relative Distance". How wonderful the universe made the match between your script and a film production company in time for your dad to learn of the good news.

[Chineme]

That was just perfection! I felt as though I knew him too. Read your biog and think you're simply amazing.